I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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