tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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