i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
