If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
