since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
