The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
