Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
