Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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