Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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