Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
