Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need to calm my uterus...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
