i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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