yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
