I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
