My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just tell him i said nine months
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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