I hate all girls vehemently.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
