i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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