Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
