She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
