just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
