We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
