we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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