as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
