I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
