my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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