U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
