so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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