i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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