Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
