Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
