i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
