Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
