dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
