Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
