You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
