i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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