thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
