Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize