Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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