I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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