Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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