So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
