last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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