think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
