is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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