none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
