she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
