just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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