you guys were way drunker than both of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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