Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize