Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
