Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
