My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
