just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
