Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
