worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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