I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
