I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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