Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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