I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Randomize
