apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize